NLP lessons: rapport
the nine accessing cues to human personality
In this advanced neurolinguistic programming lesson you will find some notes on the communication strategies of the enneagram’s nine types. A simplified map is supplied to identify your interlocutor’s communicative strategies. After having identified the limited type of our interlocutor, some simple suggestions are given that will allow you to create rapport with each of the different psychological types. Some exercises can also be found in this NLP-3 lesson that will let you concentrate your attention on the identification of the single enneagram figures.
communicative strategies of enneagram type 1
COMMUNICATIVE METHOD: Suggestive/Logical.
INVOLVMENT AND RAPPORT: Require a logical communicative style.
MOTTO: “Don’t make mistakes!”
Have you ever desired to make other people respect a certain belief or tradition? If so you probably used communicative strategy number 1 also called “The Reformer”. Enneagram type number Ones are characterised by believing that they are perfect in their own beliefs. What they believe in represents perfection to which others need to adapt. They are the classical good boys or girls that when they behaved well as kids they were given a prize; therefore, every time they behaved in a way that didn’t conform to the standards of their surroundings, they were harshly criticised. They have an internal critic that constantly judges them on what they do: for example, Reformers allow themselves a night out as a reward for the good work they did during the day.
Their personal history is down to the fact that they have created a complex equivalence:
love = criticism
In fact their weaknesses, which they try to avoid, are love and affection. A hypothetical phrase that number Ones constantly repeat is:
“If I am perfect, I’m OK, if you are perfect, you’re OK”
In their opinion, things in life are either right or wrong. Number ones are the classical good children that need to behave well in the company of others and aren’t normally conscious of the fact that they deny themselves pleasure being as they are so absorbed in what they “have to do”. Often they use their free time in improving themselves, having an “inner critic” inside that accuses them and controls their actions, thoughts and words. By concentrating on what “has to be done”, there’s no space left for desires that from time to time emerge from within.
By nature they are inclined to follow the belief:
“there’s only one correct way”
A multiple approach to a problem seems an invitation to anarchy. Anger is seen as a negative emotion that can only be exposed when there is reason. It’s only then that anger can be seen as a liberating experience. Among habitual friends they present themselves as respectful people but if they find themselves in unfamiliar surroundings they become loose and available and it is here that all their emotions and repressed impulses have freedom to come out into the open.
Personality disassociation can sometimes occur so that they lead a double life, an external and internal one, a sort of division that allows for the release of all repressed impulses (priest by day, thief by night; upstanding teacher by day, stripper by night). If unconscious desires start to overflow, threatening to overwhelm logical application, the inner critic activates immediately with threats of punishment to suppress them. Often number Ones support ideological causes, as they are a good way in which to allow their anger to be released, for a just reason in the presence of a real wrong.
In relationships, number Ones live with the constant fear of hiding their dark sides from their partner. This creates tension that grows as the relationship develops. When a critical point is reached, they start to accuse their partners out of fear of refusal, in that they are scared that the relationship is ending and they want to be the one to decide to end it before they get too involved. In general, they tend to put their partner on a pedestal; in fact for long periods during which they are in love, there inner critic is dormant. But when they feel threatened or jealous it reactivates, attacking the other’s imperfections. Reformers show complete devotion when they sense effort, hard work and good intentions in their partner. In areas where they apply themselves such as free time and work, they constantly need to check their progress, a need that is very difficult to realise.
In addition they tend to compare themselves to others by looking for weaknesses in order not to feel inferior, which then makes them suffer as the other’s victory generates their defeat. It is vital for number Ones to find an outlet for their anger in order to feel calm, often they aren’t even able to let out a releasing shout, causing stress within their body. In fact, if they learned how to be angry and let out all that blocked energy, the experience would almost be therapeutic in that it would give them the calmness and freedom to be able to temporarily experience anything without judgement.
type one’s communicative basis
Type Ones’ communicative basis is that personal feelings play a second role in communication. A type 1 believes that the primary role of communication is the exchange of information and honest opinions.
how to establish rapport with personality type one
exercise: develop the ability to recognise reformers
Do you know any people who are perfectionists in their beliefs and impose them on others?
Watch and listen carefully to people who have perfectionist behaviour in your workplace.
On what occasions do they act as perfectionists?